The Fireside Wake

DETRITUS
(Noise)

LIFE & DEATH
Urgent urgent I’m fraught with doubt
I’m ripping my skin turning inside out
Collecting the blame you’re tearing me down
Who’s in your crosshairs when I’m not around?
Is this real or a nightmare?
I’m getting the fear but it’s not really there
So rattle me loose from this stupor
Climb out this noose and figure something to live for
Asseverate I got nothin’ to hide
You’re all such a drag gonna leave you behind
I’m calling your bullshit and pantomime
I won’t be suppressed this life is mine
Can I be a famous writer?
Not a crook, fiend, or freedom fighter
Well I don’t suck I’m not an eyesore
Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for
Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for
Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for
Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for
Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for
Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for
Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for
Don’t give it away no matter what they say
(Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for)
Need a reason to leave? I won’t beg you to stay
You’ve it rough you’ve enough
(Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for)
That’s not the same as saying “I’m giving up”
I can’t believe I’m down on my knees I’m begging you please
(Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for)
I can’t believe I’m down on my knees I’m begging you please
(Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for)
I can’t believe I’m down on my knees I’m begging you please
(Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for)
I can’t believe I’m down on my knees I’m begging you please
(Don’t give a fuck I found something to die for)
I’m begging you please
I’m begging you please
I’m begging you please

PAY CHECK
Can’t go back to the way things were
You had a big break boy that’s for sure
Workin’ all week man I’m such a wreck
I got a big head but I keep it in check
Payin’ my bills try to spread it around
But you know that’s no fun so I’m drinkin’ it down
I’ll never catch up no I see no end
Just gimme two weeks and I’ll do it again

TWO-HUNDRED & SIXTEEN-THOUSAND
So how many times must I pay for this massive mistake?
And how many days does it take to reclaim your trusting faith?
I didn’t realize what was at stake the choices I’d make
The feelings I’d fake the pressure it took to break me
And who am I to question your creed
Your lingering doubts resolve excuses or sanity?
I’d have done just what you did if I were you
I’d have run lash my tongue right back at you
It’s not something that you can fix so stitch up your lips
I’m gonna need a crutch or a trip or a fool to get through this
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Ways to say that “I love you”
And not a single one of them is coming true
So I hope the best and convalesce with you
And I won’t complain I have no claim
But it scares me half to death that you might share his name
And the role reverse has smothered me in shame
I drill home my point when my actions speak louder than words
Your physical touch is ineffable but you’re never sure
It’s clear that you don’t respond well to gifts or compliments
Or the fact that I made sure you’re precisely how my time is spent
As I propose the Gods disagree and rightfully so
The romance is lost it’s all just a show hypocrisy
The embers grow into a monstrosity
This Fireside Wake comes alive with rage that rapes and it burns
And it tries to kill me
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Ways to stay in love with you
And all your contradicting thoughts & point of view
So I feel the need to twinge and bleed with you
I won’t self-destruct but God I’m fucked
And it’s not your fault I failed I just ran out of luck
But the game we played amazes me in spades
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand
Two-Hundred & Sixteen-Thousand

THE CLONE BLUES
They've all got brains the size of stones
And little sticks and twigs instead of their bones
But when they step up to the microphone
Looks like they're seething with testosterone
Instructing children to devour their own
Rape and breaking everything in their home
It makes them think that they're fully grown
But in the end they're just a bunch of
Clones from a magazine
Most pathetic thing that I've ever seen
Drones, dope, amphetamines
Just stock me in a guillotine
I got a buncha shit a-brewin in me
About a bitch and all her apathy
But the real dramatic irony
Is that his brewing tank is fully empty
And it’s so cool to sport this attitude
Like you're special and indignantly rude
I’ve never seen you expel gratitude
Your logic is completely
Screwed up and full of holes
Heart is warm but as black as coal
Cause being pious really takes its toll
Just put me down with a loaded pistol
Decrepit junky fantasy
May as well be an amputee
And if you ever try to disagree
Man I'll treat you like an employee
Cause they're just clones from a magazines
Most pathetic thing that I've ever seen
Drones, dope, amphetamines
Just stock me in a guillotine

STAY DOWN & SHUT UP
I’ve been hangin’ around this sordid town
And of the things that I’ve found
There’s one or two that just won’t do
I try to swallow it down without making sounds
Got my head to the ground
But what can I do? It’s under your shoe
And I got no time to find out
Cause my mind’s confined to you
That can’t be true
The hero goes unsung and they’re dyin’ young
Keep my tongue in my lungs
I’m turning blue but what else is new?
Favor paper crowns and their wedding gowns
Like their shit ain’t brown
No it’s a different hue it’s reserved for the few
And I’m blind enough to wind up
In a bind owing dimes to you
This can’t be true

BEEN AWAY FOR SO LONG
Been away for so long but now I’m coming back
No longer need to explore
I got a good mind to tell you all about it
If it wasn’t a chore
My time is runnin’ out so listen closely alright?
Boys & Girls across the world it’s either fuck or you fight
So go ahead make your friends make your enemies
Make your wives and your whores
Play pretend or defend all your vanities
I just don’t care anymore
Cause this city is so shitty it’s like a bathroom floor
Bankrupt? We’re fucked
Forever doomed cause we’re poor
And that’s what I found out fumblin’ my way
Through 48 States of crowds who’ll never know my name
When you try you gotta lie and slight your loyalties
If you want to succeed
Cause honestly if you were me then you’d really see
You gotta make ‘em bleed
Put ‘em down stomp ‘em out tie cement to their feet
Let ‘em drown thrash around just fuck ‘em fight and repeat
And that’s what I found out fumblin’ my way
Through 48 States of crowds who’ll never know my name

BECAUSE I HAVE TO
(Instrumental)

HEY, YOU
Hey you I can see the tears escaping you
Hey you didn’t mean to hurt you with the things I do
Hey you got a solid grip on me like super glue
Hey you can I try to apologize before we’re through?
Hey you I bet you heard a lot of things of me but they’re not true
Hey you that’s just the hassle that you get hangin ‘round the avenue
Hey you got your thoughts in a mess and your face is turnin’ blue
Hey you maybe I’d stay but this change is long overdue
It’s all wrong
(Gotta make a change so I hit the ground running)
It’s no fun
(Feeling so strange as the joke of your cunning)
And now I get it it’s not funny
Hey you well you seem to forget what this world is coming to
Hey you why don’t you take this five dollar bill and buy yourself a clue
Hey you your reality makes everything seem askew
Hey you why don’t you humble yourself? It’s a much more pleasant view
It’s all wrong
(Gotta make a change so I hit the ground running)
It’s no fun
(Feeling so strange as the joke of your cunning)
And now I get it
Hey you makin’ up lost time givin’ me the attitude
Hey you hide your contempt & expect some gratitude
Hey you I’m getting sick and tired of feeling like your interlude
Hey you why don’t you find yet another guy so I come unglued?

THE FRENZY WALTZ
I've got no energy
To work myself into a drug addled frenzy
But I've got dependency it's a tendency
To push it as far as I can
So please don't remind me
My balance is gone and I'm waiting for someone to find me
Twist and rewind me confine me
From myself and no one else
And I'm just a pleasantry
My mind is made up that you're sad when you're 70
The jokes are relenting
I'm intending to make you a goddess again
But you're so fed up with me
And I am so to of your blatant dishonesty
Switch on my modesty
It's a charm that gets us nowhere
And I have had it made for a long time
My syntax has been programmed with the wrong lines
Your whole life leading up to this
How much of your ignorance is bliss?
I'm the incredible mostly illegible
Man that you miss
So speed me up and tickle my comfort
It's not enough cause I'm still standin'
Open up I'm freezing it's raining
I made it up
Imagination is a-runnin’ wild

A PERFECT MESS
I’m finding out more and more every day every god damn day
That trusting people is like crumpling up money
And throwing it away
The things they do and the things they say
Often contradict with the seraphic character
They traipse around on display
Now I’m not asking that people go out of their way to change their tune
God no!
They’re born from scoundrels suckers whores and thieving raccoons
The distortion’s so deep that I’m convinced not a one of us is immune
But with a bit of luck a raging meteor will crash into the planet soon
And all you are to me is a joke that no one gets
Would you give it a rest? I’m not impressed
And all these sentient beings they’re ill-conceived at best
It’s so grotesque you’re a perfect mess
So while you sat idly as your time just passes you by
You’ve taken to criticizing others’ lives because you refuse to try
It’s kinda pathetic what makes you tick what makes you thrive
That your measure of prosperity
Must be in direct competition with mine
Climb up the ladder out the bottle
And meet the good old boys at the top
Raise the stakes higher fuel the fire
And start a landslide that can’t be stopped
Meanwhile the infantry scatters dreams are shattered
And we’ve paid off all the cops
To fight the wrong fights your god isn’t right
Black and red to the last drop
And all our hopes and dreams are shattering at best
So we settle for less that’s as good as it gets
So I guess we’ll say “we should be lucky to be this blessed”
I gotta confess it’s a perfect mess

DEATH WISH / PURGATORY
My future’s stalled in its tracks
Put up a wall to hold me back
Keep me in line well fuck that
I’ve got a mind egomaniac
And I’ll suffer the whole time
And I’ll make it seem easy to leave my side
He’s got a .38 special to his head
He knows it won’t solve nothin’ if he were dead
“You’ve got it wrong!” so he says
He’s got class does it anyway
The creature writhes in pleasure
Just close your eyes adds to the trip
You act surprised? It’s just my death wish

DEVIL'S DOWN
When you see you see you're seein' me
And when you dream you're dreamin' of me
And I got too much time to loaf and laze around
I just wanna dress you up and take you out on the town
All my worries catchin' up to me and I
Can't see the forest for the trees
And when I think I done you right my troubles come around
I’ve got to learn to turn my devils down
So long I've been searchin' for smiles
Guess I shoulda known it’d take a while
But I keep movin along like I could do no wrong
So I put it down on paper like a stupid song and tell ya
All my worries catchin' up to me and I
Can't see the forest for the trees
And when I think I done you right my troubles come around
I‘ve got to learn to turn my devils down
I'll fall in love with you so willingly
My lack of patience is killin’ me
And I'm goin’ for broke but I'm havin’ fun
And we'll keep it up forever just don't tell anyone
All my worries catchin' up to me and I
Can't see the forest for the trees
And when I think I done you right my troubles come around
I got to learn to turn my devils down
I said I’ve got to learn to turn my devils down

HORROR STORIES
I would take any advice for real
There ain’t no lies to disguise how I feel
I’ve been beaten down & broken it’s boring
Your demons are what I should be ignoring
Your moods are all over the place
Images I can’t erase
Oh the stories I’d believe
Oh the horrors you’d conceive
Outside it’s cold & dark and frozen empty
Just like your eyes when you’re screamin’ at me
I wonder what “safe & sound” is supposed to mean
We missed that train and slipped into this routine
Over and over again
I dream of who you could’ve been
And the quarrels never change
But the morals stay the same
So I guess I should try to figure this out
Abandon my need to be what you think about
Sever the anchor of my fears and my doubts
Living unfettered I’ll prevail and shout
Living unfettered I’ll prevail and shout
Living unfettered I’ll prevail and shout
We survived we’re alive
(We survived we’re alive)
We survived we’re alive
(We survived we’re alive)
We survived we’re alive
(We survived we’re alive)
We survived we’re alive
(We survived)

A STROLL THROUGH RESPITE TERRITORY
(Instrumental)

THE "I DON'T KNOW WHY I'VE GOT THE BLUES" BLUES
I've got the blues
And I don't even know why
Have not a clue
But I’m never satisfied
They’re just first world problems
Took me years to realize
She's got a ruse
You can see it in her eyes
He’s got to choose
Better make it wise
She’s built like a red brick shit house
But don't be fooled by that disguise
God damn I’m confused
So why do I even try?
Used & bruised
So why am I surprised
That you’d fuck my brothers?
On your knees vilified

LAZY SUNDAY
Patiently I wait for the
Day to come when I’m not on the run
And my demons don’t chase me
When I’m havin’ my fun
Cause the sun rise and the sun falls
The same when I’m done
Can it be?
Cause my eyes are wide open
So this can’t be a dream
All my pitfalls and my habits
Ain’t as bad as they seem
So I’ll play ‘em away
On this lazy Sunday
Now I see what it means to be
Sick in love that’s what I’m frightened of
Cause the warmth of your body and your hands on my face
Is a manifestation of the perfect embrace
Is it real?
And I don’t mind sayin’ what my head done thunk
It’s the truth and I promise it’s not cause I’m drunk
And I’ll play away
This whole lazy Sunday

4AM
It's four o'clock and I'm tired
Just like a savior you're my sire
Could you believe me if I said
“It would be useless in my head, cause I'm dead?”
And nothing can vanish back to sleep
And everything I have sewn it's time to reap
Why can't you be more like me?
It's easy to see my misery cause I'm see through
And I wanted to be something new be more like you
With nothing to gain and nothing to lose and nothing to choose
I thought I was freezing but I'm warm
I bought out to Jesus without form
I stared to my right but I should have left
Avert all this failure and screw this mess
These acrophobic heights
Are walking in daylight through green nights
Couldn't you say you won't go away?
Fighting your taste faking a waste and flailing in place
One foot out the door pleading for more through a song
You've got this allure I thought I was sure but I was wrong
Wrong

LAST WORDS
Well my mother’s on her deathbed
But we never got along
And it’s not my fault for sure not hers
But it all just fell apart
Do I feel grateful sad or guilty?
Do I deserve to beat my heart?
Cause this attitude to battle you
Was the lesson you taught
And my friends are all laughing at me
In their subtle stupid ways
So I’m takin’ a trip I’ll need a morphine drip
And I may not e’er return
So when I wake up old & angry
When I wake up cold and gray
Roll me over dear in my shallow grave
And just make it disappear
Just make it disappear
Yeah just make it disappear